You, my son, are 32 weeks old…in my womb, that is. It is hard to comprehend that in 8 weeks (give or take) you will be in my arms, a full fledged, living, breathing person. I am a plethora of emotions about your arrival. We have been through so much already and you aren’t even here yet. I, the girl who partied on the weekends and usually the weekdays, who couldn’t play beer pong if it was the last game on earth but could out-beer just about any man, am going to responsible for a little person. It is going to be my sole responsibility to raise you, protect you, and most importantly keep you out of half the trouble I found myself in over the years. If I cannot keep you out of that trouble then it is my responsibility to lecture you on the same things my parents have lectured me on and ground you for the things I have, more than likely, done on one or two occasions. Then, when I will least like it, I will have to allow you to make your own mistakes and learn from them on your own. I fear this new path my life has taken but I remind myself that I will not be alone. You and I will be traveling on this road together, hand in hand, and we will always have our family to turn to. My family alone consists of nearly 100 members (I counted once, for a family tree), that means you have 100 other people you can turn to on those rare occasions you and I drive each other crazy. I hope that will not happen but your mother is a realist not a delusionist. (I know that isn’t a word but we’re going with it.) While I fear our future I also anticipate it, simply because your beautiful, charming face will be there. In all that appears dark, your face shines.
I was not looking to start a family so soon, let alone as a single mother. But I would not change a thing. It’s been difficult and scary but you are more than worth it. I would give my life for you. My heart for you grows like you in my belly, more everyday. However, my heart will never stop harvesting love for you. Before you came along, I enjoyed my selfish life. Now, I would give up everything to give you anything. You are my world.
Years from now, you will begin to ask me difficult questions. Mainly about your father. You must know, first and foremost, that he loves you. Although we could not work out our differences, it does not reflect our love for you in the slightest. Sometimes it may be difficult to understand why he does some of the things he does and I will not always know why either. All I can say is that we will do our best to make it as easy on you as possible. Just remember that some people have different levels of what they think responsibility consists of. It will be important that you be as open minded about others as much as possible. I will do what I can to help teach you this. If you ever have any questions about your father, you are more than welcomed to ask. Just keep in mind, even now it is difficult for me to give answers or possibilities because as I have said, we are unable to work out a great number of our differences. I will be as honest as I can possibly be with you about him but there will be the occasional questions I will not be able to answer for any number of reasons. I can only hope you will be understanding of this. Maybe once you are older I will be able to be more open with you about him and our situation. Just know, he has and will always love you tremendously, no matter what happens, now or in the future.
We have a long road ahead of us, son. We will seize every opportunity with both hands and have a whole world of fun that no one will ever know. We will have our fair share of sad that is to be expected with any life, but I will always be here to cheer you up and you will forever have an endless support system of friends and family that love you more than the world itself. We are strong and we know no limits.
I love you endlessly,