An Irresponsible Responsibility


At the close of my session with my psychologist last night she suggested that Mr. Flip-flop and I get together to discuss how we would like to handle the care of our son for the next few months and how we will handle the delivery. “Have that difficult conversation,” as she put it, while making sure we are, in fact, on the same page.

I somewhat laughed at her. We were suppose to have one of those meetings, WITH HER! So we would have a mediator. Guess what Mr. Flip-flop did.

Y’all are so smart. He sure did say he would go, but did he? Hahahaha.

She asked me what was keeping me from trying again. I told her:

1.  I would prefer a witness if I cannot have documentation.
2.  The last thing I want is for him to think it is a date. Which he will, no matter how many times I tell him it isn’t.
3.  He doesn’t have a car of his own. I do not want to pick him up for this meeting then get wrangled into driving him all over town plus he lives at least a half hour away from me and that is with no traffic.
4.  Lastly, I flat out do not want to see him.

Was there any way at all I would meet with him then afterwards send a message sort of recapping what we discussed so that I can have the documentation I want? I suppose so. I guess if I really wanted to I could ask to meet him on his lunch break, he works closer to me than he lives and this way IF I did agree to pick him up he can’t go anywhere but back to work.

Now, I had messaged him a few days ago informing him of my next three appointments and also reminded him that the fee for the circumcision is due by this coming Tuesday and if he was still going to pay for it. No response and no show to the first of the three appointments. Now because I was being told one at a time when these appointments were, he was sent the messages as such, one at a time and the circumcision message was a separate message of its own as well. Today, I asked him if we could meet for lunch next week to discuss a few things concerning our son before his delivery. I got a response immediately,”yes, Sunday.”

I wish I could convey facial expressions on here but my technology hates me and won’t load a picture for me. Trust me, though, it is not an amused expression. Unfortunately for him I am not available this weekend to get together which was why I asked him to meet me, “sometime next week, during lunch.” I do not enjoy repeating myself. I am his personal broken record.

He states that he has an appointment on Monday and suggests we meet up on Tuesday. I have an appointment Tuesday, which I told him about. I reminded him of the appointment nicely, even though that isn’t how I currently feel, and suggested that I can do lunch that day if he goes to that appointment. Otherwise, I cannot drive all over town. I also gave him a friendly reminder that I sent him messages containing my appointment information. He states he never got the message. Uh-huh, okay, what about the one concerning the circumcision? And I asked again if he is going to have the fee ready by that date. If not, I need to know so I can make sure I have it covered.

*crickets chirping*

I am so beyond annoyed that I do not know if it can be called that anymore. It isn’t as though any hopes are dashed or I am let down. I have come to expect this sort of behavior from him. I do not actually expect him to step up and pay for his son’s circumcision but I am giving him the opportunity to step up and surprise me. This was exactly the sort of thing my psychologist wanted me to discuss with him.

Are you going to step up for your son and be there for him? Are you going to be responsible and reliable?

But why would I waste my time on that when I already know his answer versus the actual outcome?

“He’s my son, I’ll be there to support you and him. I want to be fully involved.” Then turn around and do that flip-flop jig. She knows all that is going to do is piss me off to hear him say that AGAIN and then show nothing for it AGAIN. I think I am just more frustrated for my son and having a difficult understanding of how a person can be so nonchalant about their own child. People have said, “A woman becomes a mother the moment she learns she is pregnant, a man becomes a father the moment he holds his child.” Personally, I think that is a bunch of bull for a couple of reasons, first off, I do not feel like I became a mother until my second trimester. I carried a lot of anger, resentment, and border lined on hate before I embraced motherhood. Secondly, that is just an extremely poor excuse for the father to act completely irresponsible and ignore the mother of his child and take absolutely no responsibility.

I think I’ve gone slightly off subject with this and lost my train of thought. I have gotten bogged down by my frustration of the situation. My psychologist called it, being the bigger person. I call it, completely annoying. Thank god for blogs, right? The perfect place too vent. You guys are awesome!


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