Holy cow, son! Can we slow this year down a bit? Please!? I want to hold on to this time with you a bit longer. I feel like, while I have thoroughly enjoyed EVERY SINGLE SECOND, I don’t think I cherished it enough. One of the biggest things I have learned in the last 11 months with you is how to slow down. In recent weeks it may not seem so, having started a second job while still in school but I have. I learned not to stress out so much over stuff that is important but not more important than you. You taught me how to take a step back when things get too crazy and just watch YOU. Watch your growth, your learning and your yearning.
I have stopped everything in my world to just sit with you and make you laugh, sooth your tears, care for fevers, and just watch you learn about the world around you. Everything in your world is so carefree right now and I do everything in my power to keep it that way. I try to keep the stress of my work and school away from you and keep you innocent. When I’m with you I just want to be with you. I don’t think about school and how I have a paper due in an hour. They can wait because this, THIS, doesn’t last forever. When you were first born, it felt like forever, but at some point when I turned my head to make sure you wouldn’t fall (and you did anyways) God snatched some of it out of my hands. It’s like trying to hold water in nothing but your bare hands. No matter what you do, it just keeps spilling. But I wouldn’t trade a single second of it.
The age you are at now, most parents have already taught their children to put themselves to sleep, but I’m behind on this. This is for several different reasons.
1. I am not home at night enough to enforce this daily and make it a routine. It would not be fair to you to expect this of you the two or three nights I am home to put you to bed.
2. We still currently live with your grandparents who wake up early for work and have no problems swooping in to “save” you derailing everything we work on.
And 3. Probably the biggest reason of all…I’m only with you a handful of times in the week at bedtime. I cherish holding you at night while you still can fit (barely) in my arms. Before long, you won’t need me to sit with you and rock you to sleep, you won’t want me snuggle with you and tell you how much I love you. So, yes, I spoil you. But we both need it right now.
As each month goes by, writing these letters gets more difficult. You’re growing so fast, I can hardly keep up. I’m already planning your very first birthday and half of it is ways to keep me from crying hysterically. I love you so much. You’re going to do great things.