Tag Archives: babies

My Little Ray of Sunshine

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My dearest DC,

How is it that six months has passed already? Just yesterday you fit perfectly in the crook of my arm. Now you stand with confidence (and assistence) to my knees.

You have such an incredible drive and I pray everyday you never lose that. Your determination is immeasurable. Your curiosity for the world has inspired me to see the world through your eyes and experience as much of it as possible like new.

I can’t tell you enough how much you’ve changed my life and continue to do so daily. You have made me a much better person than I was and you motivate me to strive for THE BEST! I can’t imagine giving you anything less than the best. My heart aches more than I ever knew it could when I have to be away from you, and lately it has been more often than I care to be. But it is for your well being, to give you the best life I can provide, and that’s the only thing that gets me through those long days I have to go without you. Always know, baby, that there is never a second of my day that goes by that I’m not thinking of you, missing you.

Your latest accomplishments include rolling over from tummy to back, from back to tummy. If the cat is around, she motivates you enough for you to pull yourself up to stand up. (I think nearly all of your motivations has come from your curiosity of the cat.) You now sit up on your own and are a lot less wobbly. You are so close to crawling without dragging your face on the floor (Update: you are now crawling when no one is looking. And by no one I mean me. Way to go, kid!) but, really, you’d rather walk. You’re getting the hang of the whole one step, two step with assistence but you haven’t quite realized yet that in order to do this on your own you must first master the art of balance. But you’ll get it, slick, just keep at it. Never give up, whatever you do in life, don’t ever give up.

Now, I must touch on a subject I don’t care to bring up but it’s your birth right to know. Your father. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about him by the time you receive these letters, if you’ve had the chance to meet him or even the desire, or the opportunity to at least talk to him. I’m not sure how you’ll view the whole situation or how you’ll feel about him not being involved. That scares me. I want you to know that his involvement (or lack thereof) has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. Don’t ever let anyone (and I mean anyone, I don’t care who they are) make you feel otherwise. His decision to walk away was his own. There is nothing that will make you any less of a person, especially an act that you have absolutely no control over.

You are an amazing person and deserve everything good in this world. Don’t ever think you have to run after someone to keep them in your life. God is leading their path away from you for a reason, if your life is meant to intertwine God will find a way. And you’ll always have me. Forever and ever. Like I tell you when I lay you in your crib, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you.

I wish I could tell you now the whole story between your father and I but you’re so young, you wouldn’t understand or even remember. Also, given that you’re my son the story in it’s entirety isn’t necessarily appropriate. But you will know what you need to know. I will never lie to you. (Unless it’s for your own good. Like, if you pick your butt, brown eels will eat your fingers off, and stuff like that.) I am also sure that if Mimi is still visiting you (your father’s mother) she will answer any questions about him that I may be unable to answer.

Always remember, everything I have done and will do, I do for you. I do to make your life the best it can be.

Herman the Humit

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I may be overloading some of you with blogs lately and I apologize for the overload but baby is coming any day now so I’m getting in what I can before the blogging comes to a temporary halt.

Everyday is different with this pregnancy as far as how I feel emotionally. Today, I am used to being pregnant now and okay with it. If he doesn’t want to come out then whatever, his choice. But it is getting painful so if decides not to come out he has to stop growing. It is fascinating what you can feel your child doing. There are some days I can feel him move his fingers, HIS FINGERS! They are so tiny I could probably fit dozens of little baby fingers in my hand. He likes to tickle me with those little fingers. Just wait till your born, boy-o, the tickle war will really be on then.

I want to say that is one of the few moments that his movements do not cause pain or discomfort. He’s incredibly long now. He can shove a foot into my rib now while he pushes his head into my pelvis, a habit he’s formed in the last two days or so. He also enjoys waking me up in the middle of the night doing this or causing them annoying braxton hicks. There have been a couple of times now that I am woken out of a dead sleep. Eyes pop wide open and shouting, “OW WHAT THE HELL!?” He finds this quite amusing. I swear, I feel him giggling in there when he does this. He’s a diabolical little thing, my son.

We will see tomorrow where things stand with this pregnancy when I see the doc. Will he be ready to come out and see mommy’s face or will he be my little human-hermit? My Herman! Haha we’re changing his name, Herman the humit! Finger’s crossed the doctor does another sonogram and I see his precious face again!!

Today’s Thoughts on Heath Ledger and Pregnancy

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So I started out having a crappy morning until I saw a picture of Heath Ledger and then I smiled. He’s so sexy. I remember the day he passed. I was in Indianapolis with my cousins’ getting ready to eat lunch when one of them came out into the dining room telling us to turn the news on. “Heath Ledger has died today. Causes are still unknown. The actor was found-” I cried, he was suppose to be my future ex husband or secret lover at the very least. That happened, what, five years ago? Six years ago? You, sir, are still missed. I could not enjoy the new Batman movie because all I could think of was how great it WASN’T because The Joker died before his time. How could they even THINK about doing the next movie when it was so painfully obvious he was meant to be in it? It was pure blasphemy! I still have yet to find another actor to fall in love with and be my next future ex husband. FYI: my initial thoughts upon seeing the picture of Heath Ledger were not so gloomy, they were more along the lines of, “oh, well, good morning to you too, sir.” When my kid asks me about his father can I just tell him his father is Mr. Ledger? I guess, technically, I could until he learns how to do math, however, then he’ll probably have a serious complex and need therapy, it’s not worth all that money.

On a completely different note, I currently sit at school waiting for Professor W to show up and start class. While I wait (with my multitasking skills) I sift through my day planner and check my school email (Something I really should do more of. Sorry, Dr. R, I’m failing miserably at cutting that word out of my vocabulary.) I realize we have three weeks left of school and I still have five papers to write for my classes. Three are for one class and two of those three papers are short five paragraph essays, one of which is halfway written so it isn’t quite as bad as it sounds. But not only is the end of the semester three weeks away, so is my due date! This window of time is just shrinking at an enormously fast rate; I can’t keep up. Seven months ago people would say to me, “You have plenty of time.” I would chuckle at them and think, “Yea, says you, the one NOT pregnant.” Now I cackle at them hysterically, on the verge of crossing into crazy town with a complimentary white jacket with oversized sleeves and white candies that makes you sleep. I’ve been told to make lists, prioritize, etc. Do you have any idea how hard that is to do when you’re pregnant with scrambled eggs for brains!? I’m lucky I can get my pants on in the morning and that’s no joke, cause I can’t reach; not to mention the growing pain I feel in my hips as each day passes. Ohhhh, how I need to calm down and breathe or I’ll surely accomplish nothing. Why are babies so stressful?

The Full Chair in the Empty Room

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I rock this tiny child to sleep in a room empty of everything but a single rocking chair. He sucks from his bottle with his eyes stare intently up at mine, his hand gripping the collar of my shirt as though saying, “please never leave me!” The smooth rocking motion of the chair begins to take its toll as his face presses further into my bosom and his eye lids grow heavy, when it all hits me.

In less than a months time, the small child I will soon be rocking will be that of my own. At first, he will be considerably smaller in size, possibly fitting perfectly into one arm alone, and then I cry. I will no longer feel him pressing his weight against me as he desperately fights to stretch in the continually shrinking womb that is currently his home. Or struggle with him from climbing into my ribs. In roughly 25 days, the parasitic being that I have housed inside my body for nine months will be the one I rock to sleep.

Will he come out bald or will he have jet black hair that shines blue in the sun, like that of his grandmothers? Will he take after his father and have natural golden yellow hair that shines brighter than the sun on the hottest summer day or will he take after me and have smooth, chocolate brown hair? Will his eyes turn out brown like mine, warning those around him to heed his bullshit he is likely to throw? Will he have his father’s blue eyes, making him irresistible to the lovers he is bound to chase relentlessly in the years to come or will he have his grandfather’s cool, green eyes you cannot help but trust?

All these questions flood my head as the room around me melts before my eyes and I find myself in a hospital room holding an immensely small, undescript baby feeding from the body that once housed and protected him.

My child, my flesh and blood, the wonder of my world. My baby.

We Are All Underway!

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An update on Mr. Love, he and I spoke a couple of weeks ago about us and where we stand, he confirms that we do have a chance at working things out, however, it is a very long, hard road ahead of us to get there. I will tell you all what I told him, “I will fight for however long I need to, even if that means forever.” He is my heart. He used to be my whole heart but that was before Baby DC came along, so naturally he is considerably less but still my heart nonetheless.

Mr. Love has gone underway again meaning we are ALL now underway. While he is at sea, my baby will be born. It is so hard to believe that he is only four weeks from his due date. That is, if my doctor doesn’t determine him to be too heavy and decides to induce me. I can’t comprehend any of this. He is kicking me right now like crazy! Just think, anytime in the next 28 days he will be in my arms kicking me!

What will he look like? Who will he take after? Whose personality will he favor as he grows? Will he know how much I love him and everything I have done for him at this point? What does our future hold?

Mr. Love has not seen me since Christmas of 2012. The next time I see him, Christmas of 2013, I will be a mommy. Me! I can’t believe it!

WHAT. THE. HECK!?

We all have a lot in store this month.