Tag Archives: child support

Hello December

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Hello to yet another beautiful day in the world and one day closer to my son’s birth. One of very few shimmering lights in my world right now.

These last few days should have been relaxing and enjoyable as everyone stuffed their tummies full to breaking points and remembered the people they love most and those they are most thankful for in their lives. While my family did just that I sat inside my head screaming and slamming my head into that poor, severely dented wall wondering why in the world it was so hard for one particular man child (no man I know would act this way) to be there for his child and hold to his word, keep his promises, and simply tell the truth when things did not go his way.

He allowed me to believe, for however fleeting the moment was, that he was gaining responsibility and opening his eyes to the life we were bringing into the world. I believed for one-eighth of a millisecond that he was going to follow through on something for the first time since I have met him. I thought with him stepping up, I could actually provide my baby boy with his first Christmas and show my parents how much I appreciate their help and support, but even one-eighth of a millisecond was too long. He was simply doing the two-step I should expect and know all too well. I had even told myself and had been told by my former therapist, “Expect to expect nothing of him.” I do not know why I slipped.

As those I loved unbuttoned their pants to allow more room to breathe, watched Christmas specials, and broke out the Holiday decorations, I ran block on myself. Running to my room or the bathroom to catch the tears of anger and frustration that forced their way out. Tears that held the words of hurt I long to hurl at him for the pain he causes me but do not dare to share with him, then washing those words off my face and painting on a smile in their place, standing up straight and walking out to the Christmas tree with my head held high.

It feels overwhelmingly difficult most days, I wonder how I will possibly do this for the rest of our son’s life without landing myself into some sort of trouble because I’ll have no tongue left to bite. Due to my son’s father’s inability to think of anyone other than himself, I do not get to buy my son his first Christmas gift. I am now on maternity leave and here in the “Land of the Free” there is no paid maternity leave offered for those expecting. I had my last shift taken from me and will only have three hours for two weeks on this last check, if I am lucky, at minimum wage, no less. But at least I have a few cards up my sleeves. After this ordeal to get money he owes his son, he still believes I will not go through the proper channels for child support. He believes me to be an airheaded bimbo who cannot think or act for herself and believes the lies he tells with nothing to show for it. He believes I will lay down to be his doormat; allowing him to pay what he wants, when he wants, and visit as he pleases. I will allow him to think this of me, it will only be that much more of a surprise when he realizes all the lies I caught him in and that I am not so na├»ve to simply sit back and allow him to treat his son anyways he pleases.

He had been warned and given plenty of opportunities. “You’re either in his life or you’re not. We are not your swinging door or your doormats. I will not allow you to come and go in DC’s life as you please and break his heart.” He thinks because he is the father I cannot see to just that. I am done playing Mr. Nice-Guy. I’ve cried too much for my son over these last nine and a half months and I refuse to see those same tears, filled with words he cannot bring himself to say, on my son’s face as he gets older. I AM DONE! I have reached my limit, he WILL NOT hurt my baby. I do not give a shit who he is because as far as I am concerned, just because he shares my son’s DNA it does not magically make him a daddy. My distaste for my child’s donor runs deeper than I could have ever imagined it could run for anyone.

Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage the change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

Help Needed from Other Single Mothers

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With the exception of very few people in my small circle of friends (and they know who they are, love yall), who the heck calls or texts a woman who is nine months pregnant in the middle of the night!? It wasn’t even from someone I look forward to hearing from so naturally it was incredibly frustrating. Especially when I’m already having difficulty falling asleep. For an instance, I thought, “so much for my massage!” As I have mentioned in one of my previous blogs though, I will not let him dictate my life, dangit!! My massage will not become a total waste because of his lack of thoughtfulness.

I would now like to appeal to other single mothers out in the world and ask you, how do you make it work? He drives me mad! We have tried to be civil. Unfortunately, he only puts his son first as long as he is single. It is extremely difficult for me because during that time something as simple as, “How are you?” gets misconstrued as, “I love you, I want to marry you and carry 25 more of your babies.” Then when he finally hears my words of, “no, I do not want to be with you romantically,” he stops checking up on the well being of his child for weeks at a time. How do I not let him drive my world completely bonkers should he actually claim paternity of his son? What can I do in general?

As it stands he does not want to claim paternity. He wants a test to establish paternity but does not want to pay for it, so instead he wants to wait till I go into labor and see the baby and from there determine if the baby is his or not based on looks. If the baby looks like me he will not claim paternity. Little does he know, I will take him to court for child support (I don’t think he’s that ignorant though) and I know he doesn’t want to pay child support. If we do go to court for child support though I run the risk of having to share custody, granted I do have a few cards in my hand that will play to my favor. He has a felony of his record and has been in jail a couple of times and, as far as I know, cannot currently pass a drug test. But I know he knows way around that so once he passes it he can have unsupervised visits and overnighters. I have kept an extensive record of our communications and his unreliability but I am afraid it won’t be enough. I fear the environment my son could be exposed to. Mr. Flip-flop’s mother, for example, who he lives with, is close to the bottle since her husband passed. She is prescribed a variety of medications. Then there are his friends, where everyone takes their kid to when s/he is visiting a parent. Of course with most of the inhabitants being young, there’s alcohol and drugs everywhere.

I do not know what to do most days. My family doesn’t understand why I want him to deny paternity. I know that is extremely selfish but it is for the protection of my son. They see it as, I should get money from him. I don’t care about the money if it means exposing my child to a dangerous life.

What more can I do to ensure my son’s safety??