Tag Archives: family

“Turn to Your Faith, Family, and Friends”

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This week has been a trying week. God giving a tribulation at its best. It could have been worse, I’ll admit that willingly. Another fact I will freely admit is how close I was to giving in. Simply throwing my hands up. But as Mr. Love used to end ALL his letters from boot camp, “Love you, be safe. When you feel alone or find yourself struggling turn to your faith, family, and friends.” And although he never needed to actually voice it, he meant it in that order. He knew I always had a close relationship with God that he graciously respected and admired and he also knew I had the most close knit family he ever saw and even had the brief honor of being included in. (To this day my family still asks about him and his well being. Not as much because they know for a while it ached me to talk about him but they still do care.)

It was difficult for me these last several days to do anything other than complain and moan, which is always the easiest thing to do. But once I took the time out to put everything in God’s hands, see my family, and talk to my friends I was reminded of things I am fortunate to have in my life. Regardless of the ridiculous crap that may drop in on my life from time to time. We must always remember that things can be worse and that somewhere else things are worse.

Even though things do not always work out the way I would prefer I still have it pretty damn easy, considering. I just needed a little reminding. This week God reminded me how nice things could be and what I should look for. While family reminded me that no matter what day it is or what time they are always here for me to give love, support, and laughter. And friends reminded me that they can be more strict than my own parents at times they also remind me that being a single mother is not the worse thing. To take pride in what I do, no matter how difficult or lonesome. That when the time is right, as long as I’m patient God will provide for me what I need when I need it.

This was going to be just another blog of me complaining, full of “whoa is me” drama, until God made his presence blatantly known and smacked me with reality. My small family is very fortunate for what we have and I have no room for anything but happiness of what we do have. No matter the struggle. Because it could always be worse.

I have learned that God will send messages and at times make things seem like everything just gets worse and worse but really it’s just to make sure your faith doesn’t take thing for granted. Just like everything else, God can be taken for granted, too. He just has to remind us from time to time that he is here to support and love us, not to be our genie to grant us wishes. It just takes harder lessons every now and again to be reminded.

Now since I am making my way to bed I would like to lead all my readers in prayer:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name, thy kingdom come thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have trespassed against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

I pray the Lord carries you all through safe passage through the night and keeps you safe and helps you all through any struggle you may face in your life. I also pray that you do not forget God’s love in the struggles you face and that we all remember to forgive those we love and those we pity alike.

And because I was raised Catholic:

In the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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In Weakness We Find Strength

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“I’m doing everything I can.” I suppose everything he can is never going to the doctors appointments he had promised to attend, “I’ll go to every single one,” giving away money that was meant for his children’s mouths to someone in need (by someone in need I mean his drug habit,) putting a pregnant woman (make that two) through hell and somehow, amazingly, not causing a miscarriage, playing daddy to a kid he has not fathered, trying to be the “playa,” promising to be at his son’s birth and going on about how his vacation is saved up for when he arrives then two weeks prior to the due date says, “I’m not taking off work, WE need the money.” Isn’t that what vacation time does? I want to scream at him, “VACATION PAYS YOU TO TAKE TIME OFF YOU LYING MORON!” But instead I sit and smile and nod. I’m not going to see any of that money until child support forces it from him. I think I may need an appointment with my therapist after all. Just one more. Although I do not communicate with Mr. Flip-flop beyond what I need I just can’t wrap my head around him. I feel no matter how much I regurgitate my frustration through blog it isn’t enough, I should see my therapist before I slam my head through this wall in my head. He’s doing everything he can??? What exactly is that? What has he’s been doing? What does that mean?

The above was written a few days ago. But the more I wrote, the less I could stand to listen to myself. How will my readers bare it if I can’t bare it myself? These last few days have been rough so I have swallowed my pride and gathered my strength and contacted my therapist requesting an appointment since writing seems to be doing very little recently. But I must find strength within the weakness, if for no one else than for my son.

There is no room to be numb anymore. Not in my new life. This life is no longer about me. Those who have hurt me or broke my heart is now irrelevant. Who lied about what no longer matters. Father’s who are not up to par and lost lovers are to be a thing of the past. I must remember to put my son first and foremost above all others, I have myself to rely on and my army of friends and always growing family. I do not need anyone else. When I lack the ability to dig through the weakness for my strength I have my soldiers, including our new recruit, Ms. Mommy, along with DC’s own battle buddy, AE.

That, in itself, gives me strength. In times when I cannot comfort my son, when this all hurts the most, he has his sibling to give him strength and love. Two children brought together by unfortunate circumstances and finding the best of friends in each other. We will all overcome this and we will allow this to make us stronger. Meanwhile, when we find ourselves between the rock and hard place, we all have each other for support and encouragement.

Our own, unique family, different but in no way broken or dysfunctional.

Reality TV and Reality

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So I have been a bit of a fireball lately, in case some of you haven’t noticed. I have been having difficulty accepting inevitable changes (or lack of) concerning Mr. Flip-flop. Will he, won’t he, is he, isn’t he? Who cares? It is what it is.

Luckily, when I go through these phases there is always something that reminds me of what I do have. Or in this case, don’t have. Which is not a bad thing.

This evening, I sit with my cousin watching Teen Mom 3 Reunion and I see these incredibly young mothers just fight with the father of their children and struggle beyond anything I can imagine to just make it work. They fight so much to have that picturesque family. I told my cousin that although it is hard to go through this pregnancy without the father I am grateful I do not have that struggle and stress. Granted I made it clear to him from the beginning that I would not deal with unnecessary stress and risk any complications because he’s too worried about not being alone. I couldn’t tell you how many girlfriends he has had in the last 6 months alone. How many boyfriends have I had throughout my pregnancy? ZERO! Why? Because my son comes first, not my love life. But I’m venturing off topic. The topic right here, right now, is that I do not have to deal with that in my life because I know I do not have to tolerate it.

Do not get the wrong idea, I am not keeping him from anything, he does that to himself. I have kept him in the loop of everything, he said he wanted to be involved so I have kept him involved. Beyond that, it has been his own doing. He has known the date of every single appointment (has attended 4 out of 14, late to all) and been kept in the loop when the doctors thought I had preeclampsia. That was probably the most terrifying moment of my pregnancy and I made it clear to him that I needed his support as the father of my child. He PROMISED he would be at the appointments that tested me for the condition. We needed to be a team if nothing else. But Flip-flop did just what a flip-flops does. But again I am grateful I do not have these fights or screaming matches that my child could be subjected to. I will have a struggle ahead of me but it will not be nearly as difficult with the fights out of the picture. Because again, I do not tolerate it. It is a struggle in and of itself to bite my tongue but it does pay off. I no longer engage in his ignorance and extremely poor excuses and it helps my child and my health.

Single mommas, you do not have to tolerate the B.S. Trust me, I know how hard it is to just finally let go. After all, he is the father of your child. But what will be better for your child in the long run? THAT is what has to be put first, not ones own fear of being alone, you are momma, you’ll never be alone again. You are strong and you can do this. Mr. Right will come along when the time is right.

Note: please excuse any mistakes in this post. I am currently putting Broken Condom’s Baby O to sleep and do not have time to edit at the moment.