My little Piglet,
I can’t believe you are already a whole week old. And my clumsy self hasn’t dropped you once!
I still remember my stay in the hospital rather clearly, considering all the medication that had been fed to me through IVs. Don’t worry yourself, being hooked up to those and monitors are standard. If I might add, also rather comforting. Except the monitor that simply sat on my belly. Although it did allowed me to listen to your heartbeat nonstop for three days, it constantly moved so the nurses were continually in and out of my room adjusting the sensors. Then to add to it, you were always a squirmy one, just like momma. We did a bang up job of thoroughly annoying our nurses, kiddo. Kudos!
You already started to take after me; clearly showing off your stubbornness by refusing to get out into the world to live on your own. I arrived at the hospital on a Friday. The doctor decided to induce my labor due to high blood pressure. (You were due to arrive the following Monday.) Even with medical aide to encourage your arrival, I was still in labor for 46 hours. I had to go 46 plus hours of nothing to eat or drink aside from ice chips. I did that for YOU, Piglet (and was semi-forced by nurses and doctors…okay, okay, entirely forced.)
Saturday, things began to get a little more interesting. The nurses increased my intake of pitocin, the medicine used to try to force you out and into my arms. It wasn’t long before your heart rate began to drop though. Nurses and an anesthesiologist came rushing into the room; one nurse was directing me to lay on this side, then that, then position myself on all fours, “he may just be pressing his face into a position that is restricting his breathing so we have to try to get him to move,” while the other nurse shut off the pitocin and prepared an oxygen mask that appeared to eat my face. Meanwhile, the anesthesiologist explained different anesthesias to me and their risks and benefits, “sign here, here, and here. Initial there and there.” Then your heart rate started to come back up, you were safe and we were cleared to continue with the induction. As the day wore on, the amount of medicine administered was increased. Before long I was having full blown contractions but you were no closer to coming out. Mommy was frustrated and in an insurmountable amount of pain, to say the least. The nurses offered me medicine to ease the pain but I was afraid to take it. Until the early morning hours that seeped into Sunday, I called in the nurse and asked what risks were involved and how it would impact you, if at all. Completely safe, any risks involved would effect me and simply make you sleepy. I was finally able to sleep, very briefly but sleep nonetheless.
Sunday is the biggest blur to me but I still remember the important stuff. I remember that I cried to your Nona and Ada about the pain I was in. I believe I was adamant about adopting in the future rather than go through labor ever again in my life.
I continually reminded the nurses to begin administering the epidural the second I had the green light to take it, don’t ask just give it to me.
“As soon as it is okay for me to take the epidural, go right ahead.”
“Sweety, it’s too soon to administer the epidural.”
“I KNOW THAT! I’m giving you my consent now to give it to me when I am allowed to take it. Don’t ask, just do it.”
The contractions continued to get stronger, finally when I was nearly blinded with pain, they told me they were going to begin preparing me for the epidural and increasing the induction medication. After I had been given the anesthesia, the nurses began adjusting me to lay on my left, a few minutes later, lay on my right. Before I knew it, I was back in the oxygen mask with the pitocin shut off. The doctor then came in and said, “It’s been nearly 48 hours since you started getting the pitocin and it appears that the baby isn’t responding well to it. Anytime we increase it, his heart rate drops. It’s safe to say that it is a failed induction and that we will need to proceed with a c-section. Let’s start preparing you.”
The only thing that broke my heart about going along with that procedure was that I would not be permitted to hold you immediately after birth. “Stay strong,” your Ada said. Nona began changing into scrubs provided by the nurses. I insisted that she stay by my side every step of the way and I’m thoroughly glad I did. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
I was wheeled into the OR and given more anesthesia. Once the doctors were satisfied with the effects of the medicines they proceeded with the surgery. At most I would feel the occasional poke, pull, and tug here and there but mostly, my arms would not stop shivering. I’d never felt so cold in my life but only in my head and arms, nowhere else, granted everything else was numb. The nurse wrapped a warm blanket around my head and placed two warm blankets across my chest to cover my arms.
Before I knew what happened I could hear your cry, to this day, tears fill my eyes just thinking about it. You had the most beautiful cry I had ever heard, in fact, it was altogether the most beautiful sound in the world. Then your Nona stood up to look over the curtain that blocked our view from the operation, to get a look at you and she said, “He’s perfect in every way! All ten fingers and toes.” They allowed her to cut the umbilical cord and after they cleaned you up they handed you to her. She was the first one to hold you. She brought you around the curtain so I could see you and I continued to cry. I just wanted to hold you and never let go. Then the nurses took you away to the nursery, where it would be another two hours before I would see you again.
After they insisted I stop crying to staple me closed they carted me off to Recovery. While Nona, Ada, Mimi, and your father visited you in the nursery I was being pumped with yet more medicine, while the anesthesia wore off, that briefly made me sick. Once I was stable, they finally brought you in to see me after I asked over and over when you would be brought to me (annoying yet more nurses. We were good at that. REALLY good.) Even though I was good at annoying the nurse, she was still the nicest one we had come across. Not only did she allow me to have more than one visitor at a time (Nona, Ada, Mimi, your father, Mema, Papa, and our cousin) she broke another rule. Instead of only leaving you with me for thirty minutes, she allowed us to have about an hour, if not longer, with each other.
We were finally taken to the Maternity Ward, where we would spend the remaining three nights in the hospital. Because of the serious medication I was under everyone expected I would sleep heavily through the night. That did not happen, not even close to it. I would doze off occasionally for about twenty minutes at a time, the rest of the night I would spend staring at you stroking your cheek. I did not want you out of my sight again. After carrying you for 9 long months, any second spent away from you felt like eons.
I thought I loved you while I carried you, it was nothing compared to the love I felt when we finally met. I cannot say where my life would be at right now without you and I don’t care to ever know. You are my everything and I can’t wait to see where our life will continue to take us.
I love you more than the universe’s vastness,