Tag Archives: open letter

9 Month Open Letter

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Baby boy,

It just as I was saying not that long ago; in the blink of an eye you would be 9 months old and sure enough, I blinked.

You amaze me and you are so much more than I could have ever hoped or imagined. You say “momma”, now, and “Ada” and “Nona.” You are learning “no” but more than saying it you enjoy shaking your head “no.” I think it’s more of a game for you than actually saying no to something. You’re starting to cover your ears when…I don’t know actually. You just like covering your ears. I think it’s because you see your cousin O do it and you think it’s cool or something. Not that you actually know what cool is.

Although you are so young I can already see things in you that resemble your father. You love the drums. While most babies tap on things anyways, you have rhythm. And the music app on my tablet is always switched to the drums, by you. I think I may have to rethink piano lessons and get you drums instead. Your father used to play drums and before you were born he already had it set in his mind that you would play as well. He wasn’t bad at it either if my memory serves me correctly.

You also have a few facial expressions that resemble his. It’s usually when you’re caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing.

There is one thing I had wished you didn’t get from your father and myself and that is our temper. Ooh boy, do you have one and you are not afraid to express it. Hopefully, over the next few years I can help you learn enough self-control and self-respect to be able to curb that behavior and learn when it is appropriate to display it and when it is not.

If there is anything I want to teach you, it is that kindness and goodness will get you much further in this life than a bad attitude will. There is a saying, “nice guys always finish last.” I don’t buy that for one minute and I don’t want you to either. Nice guys (and gals) just have higher standards. You can’t grab the first thing handed to you if it isn’t up to par. Be grateful though, that is most important. Gratitude. Always be thankful for what you have and what is given! If you feel like your goodness is taken advantage of (which you will at times) just remember that God sees your effort and sees your heart and good things will happen. Everything always comes back in full circle.

As you already know, you have an older brother. He is ALMOST exactly one year older than you. If you were born 19 days later yall would be one year apart. If you had your way you probably would have stayed those extra days but your mommy was not having it. Your aunt said, the day before you were born, that I may have met my match. But I disgress, you will get the chance to meet your brother. We have been invited to his birthday. I am so excited for you and for him. I want you to know him and to know you are related by one of the closest bonds you can be given. Cherish your siblings and love them. No matter what, you’re family. Don’t ever forget that!

I have recently been made aware that in roughly 8 months time you will be an older brother, yourself. Not by me! Oh my goodness no! I am not ready for that adventure again just yet. But by your father. Learn from him, my son, and know that having children is the greatest gift from God. As I stated earlier, be grateful for it when that gift is bestowed upon you and step up to your responsibilities and hold yourself accountable.

I have not yet spoken to this young lady who is carrying your baby brother or sister. I do not know if she and your father are still together, if he is involved with her pregnancy or how long he will stick around for this child. But I need you to do something for me. No matter what road your father chooses, you cannot hold resentment towards your siblings. You cannot be jealous of them. It may be difficult to do that, but you must try. It is not your sibling’s fault for your father’s actions and behavior so do not blame them. Be there for them, both of them, and know that you are loved so much. Just as they are. Do not be mad at your father either, instead we should pity him. Look at how much he missed out. Don’t say that out of anger but out of sadness for him. He is still just a lost boy trying to find himself. Love your father for helping me create you. Without him you wouldn’t be here. And always know, if there is one thing I am certain of, it is that he carries love for you. I remember the look on his face when he found out I was pregnant, when he found out you were a boy, and when he held you for the first time. That look was love. I am just sorry that he doesn’t know how to express it to you.

You are strong. You are amazing. You are the best. Remember to turn to God in times of need and any other time. You always have me. I am right here, I am not going anywhere. I promise you that. And let us pray for your father that he finds his way.

And one last thing, know that life is full of enough hurt so because of that we should not carry it with us or else we forget to cherish the good.

I love you more than life itself,

Mom

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So full of love

To My Beautiful Son

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DC,

You seem to be growing at an alarmingly fast rate. I’m not quite sure how I’ve managed to keep up with you but so far I have.

You are not quite 9 months old yet but in the blink of an eye, you will be. And when I blink again you’ll be 9 years old. I spend a lot of my free time wondering what our future might hold, what sort of boy and eventually man you grow to be. I also have spent some time concerned that I may not be enough for you.

I know you may not know anything different from the life you know but I worry you’ll feel like something is missing from your life once you realize that your father isn’t involved in the way that he should be. But that is why I feel so strongly about our religion. God has always been there for me and everyone else I know in ways that simple humans cannot be. Mostly, though, I want you to know that you are not fatherless. You have the greatest father of all. God.

I wish I could say our life will be prefectly filled with blue skies and rainbows but it won’t be. That’s just life. We’ll have the occasional rainy day and maybe even some thunderstorms. But one thing that will never fade and never leave you is the love and guidance of our heavenly father.

There is so much that excites me but also scares me so much about our upcoming journey. But I know with faith we’ll come out of it ok. I don’t want you to ever fear as I do or to worry as I do. I want your relationship with God to be so much stronger than my own. Keep your faith in him and if you ever find yourself alone know that you aren’t. I’ll always be in your heart right next to God’s love.

I love you with my everything
Mommy

My Little Ray of Sunshine

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My dearest DC,

How is it that six months has passed already? Just yesterday you fit perfectly in the crook of my arm. Now you stand with confidence (and assistence) to my knees.

You have such an incredible drive and I pray everyday you never lose that. Your determination is immeasurable. Your curiosity for the world has inspired me to see the world through your eyes and experience as much of it as possible like new.

I can’t tell you enough how much you’ve changed my life and continue to do so daily. You have made me a much better person than I was and you motivate me to strive for THE BEST! I can’t imagine giving you anything less than the best. My heart aches more than I ever knew it could when I have to be away from you, and lately it has been more often than I care to be. But it is for your well being, to give you the best life I can provide, and that’s the only thing that gets me through those long days I have to go without you. Always know, baby, that there is never a second of my day that goes by that I’m not thinking of you, missing you.

Your latest accomplishments include rolling over from tummy to back, from back to tummy. If the cat is around, she motivates you enough for you to pull yourself up to stand up. (I think nearly all of your motivations has come from your curiosity of the cat.) You now sit up on your own and are a lot less wobbly. You are so close to crawling without dragging your face on the floor (Update: you are now crawling when no one is looking. And by no one I mean me. Way to go, kid!) but, really, you’d rather walk. You’re getting the hang of the whole one step, two step with assistence but you haven’t quite realized yet that in order to do this on your own you must first master the art of balance. But you’ll get it, slick, just keep at it. Never give up, whatever you do in life, don’t ever give up.

Now, I must touch on a subject I don’t care to bring up but it’s your birth right to know. Your father. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about him by the time you receive these letters, if you’ve had the chance to meet him or even the desire, or the opportunity to at least talk to him. I’m not sure how you’ll view the whole situation or how you’ll feel about him not being involved. That scares me. I want you to know that his involvement (or lack thereof) has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. Don’t ever let anyone (and I mean anyone, I don’t care who they are) make you feel otherwise. His decision to walk away was his own. There is nothing that will make you any less of a person, especially an act that you have absolutely no control over.

You are an amazing person and deserve everything good in this world. Don’t ever think you have to run after someone to keep them in your life. God is leading their path away from you for a reason, if your life is meant to intertwine God will find a way. And you’ll always have me. Forever and ever. Like I tell you when I lay you in your crib, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you.

I wish I could tell you now the whole story between your father and I but you’re so young, you wouldn’t understand or even remember. Also, given that you’re my son the story in it’s entirety isn’t necessarily appropriate. But you will know what you need to know. I will never lie to you. (Unless it’s for your own good. Like, if you pick your butt, brown eels will eat your fingers off, and stuff like that.) I am also sure that if Mimi is still visiting you (your father’s mother) she will answer any questions about him that I may be unable to answer.

Always remember, everything I have done and will do, I do for you. I do to make your life the best it can be.